


Idiots in love and their dumbass son

by crwatters



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, I make myself laugh, Idiots in Love, Ineffable Wives (Good Omens), Ms Winsley from Attempts at Book Buying makes an appearance bc I needed someone for Warlock to call, No beta we fall like Crowley, Originally Posted on Tumblr, but other than that the two fics arent related at all, shes also in here bc I love her, warlock is adopted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 09:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20864213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crwatters/pseuds/crwatters
Summary: Broke: Zira and Crowley are both useless lesbiansWoke: Crowley is the useless lesbian, Aziraphale has considered them married since the 1600s, with a short separation during the final days approaching the apocalypse when she was having a CrisisBespoke: Crowley is the useless lesbian, Aziraphale is an idiot, and Warlock is their equally dumbass son.





	Idiots in love and their dumbass son

**Author's Note:**

> like the tags say, Ms Winsley is a loan from another fic of mine. You don't need to know anything about her though, she's just a maternal figure.  
This was posted a little while ago on Tumblr, but it got some good attention over there and it makes me smile, so I thought I'd copy-paste it. Leave kudos or comments if you enjoy it!:)

“–well as with any couple married as long as we have–”

“_What?!_” squawked Crowley.

Aziraphale glared at her. “Don’t interrupt. _As I was saying,_ any couple married as long as we’ve been is bound to have some disputes.”

“_Yeah yeah_, but married?! _Since when_?”

Warlock rolled his eyes from his position on the couch scrolling through tumblr on his phone. He secretly loved how they could bicker without truly fighting, and how when they did fight, they made up soon after. It was a nice break from his birth* parents, but. Well. It was also annoying sometimes.

(*Warlock thought they were his birth parents, but you know better)

“Oh, I don’t know, the 16th century?” the angel huffed. “Earlier, maybe. We’ve lived together in so many different places through so many different times, we’re common law married according to _at least_ 162 different cultures!”

Crowley opened and shut her mouth a few times. “Ngk,” was what she eventually managed.

Aziraphale, meanwhile, was working herself into a bit of a tizzy. “Did you REALLY think I go around kissing just _anybody_?”

“I thought you just did that because– well– you’re an angel!!” Crowley gestured wildly, as if that explained everything.

“Wh– no! Wherever did you get that idea from?” Aziraphale scrunched her hands up in her hair, exasperated and offended. “It’s not like I’d go and kiss Gabriel!”

Warlock was quickly getting tired of this. Nanny really was dense sometimes.

Crowley and Aziraphale both shuddered at the mention of Gabriel.

“You only ever kiss me on the cheek, I thought it was a show of platonic affection!”

“Perhaps in this current time and place we’re in, yes, but that wasn’t always the case! And I call you ‘my wife’ _all the time_ when we’re out for dinner!”

“I thought it was some sort of joke!”

“_Really_, Crowley!”

Warlock sighed loudly and dramatically, and when it didn’t get their attention, he proceeded to go through his contacts to make a call. On the third or fourth ring, his attention turned back to the couple.

“Is being married _really_ such a _horrid_ thought to you?!”

“Now that’s not what I said!” Crowley flung her hands up in the air. “I just meant–”

“_What_, pray tell?”

“–I’ve just let a bunch of time go to waste, that’s all!”

The ringing stopped. “_Hello?_”

“Hi Ms Winsley*,” Warlock greeted the woman loudly. _That_ got Aziraphale and Crowley’s attention. “My moms are fighting again, can you come pick me up?”

(*an OC of mine, from the fic Attempts at Book Buying)

“_Absolutely, but there’s no need to be dramatic, you know–_”

“Moms?” Crowley asked, incredulously. Her hands dropped to her side.

Warlock turned his attention away from the phone, nervous suddenly. “That’s right, isn’t it?” He asked, looking to Aziraphale. “You’re trans, right? You use she/her pronouns now? I’m sorry I never asked properly, I just–”

“No, no, you’re fine dear boy.”

Crowley was still standing in silent betrayal (how did Warlock know the two of them were a couple before she did?!).

“And yes, I suppose you could describe me as trans,” Aziraphale mused. “But I don’t particularly prescribe to human notions of gender, being an angel and all.”

Warlock stared. Muffled laughter could be heard over the phone line.

“You mean, you’re_ an actual angel_?”

Aziraphale pursed her lips. If she became any more exasperated today she might explode.

Crowley chose this moment to regain her sense and rejoin the conversation. “What else would Zira be, an aardvark?” she all but wheezed.

Her (apparent) wife smacked her.

“I dunno,” Warlock was now the affronted one. “I thought it was all just, terms of endearment, and maybe a bit of roleplaying, or some sort of longstanding joke.”

“No love,” Aziraphale rubbed her face. “We talk about other places and times all the time because we’ve actually _lived_ through them. I’m an angel, she’s a demon.”

“_We’re hereditary enemies,_” Crowley muttered mockingly. “Ow!”

Aziraphale glared at her wife. “That didn’t actually hurt and you know it.”

Warlock considered this for a moment, Ms Winsley still on the phone held in proximity to his ear.

“Wait… so this means the 'apocadidn’t’ _wasn’t_ a big fight that almost ended in you guys getting a divorce?”

“Not at all!” “Yes and no, dear.” Angel and demon spoke simultaneously, then looked at one another.

“_What do you mean, yes and no, angel?_” Crowley hissed.

Aziraphale crossed her arms, defensive. “We separated for a few days, but it all worked out in the end!”

“_I’ll bring some scones over dear, but I think you should stay and talk this out with your moms_,” Ms Winsley said, then hung up.


End file.
